


Dateable

by AidanChase



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Growing Up, Marauders, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidanChase/pseuds/AidanChase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has a lot of growing up to do before Lily would ever consider him dateable, or even friend-able. Unfortunately, growing up tends to hurt. A lot. Especially when it all gets packed into one year.</p><p>Highlights: Sirius Black runs away from home, James's parents die, and Death Eaters attack</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dateable

_You think you’re funny, but you’re just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him alone._

_I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on… go out with me and I’ll never lay a wand on Snivelly again._

_I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid…. Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can—I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK._

—

It was that following summer, nearly midnight, and James was in the dining room, having just finished a letter to Remus. Tonight was the first full moon of the summer, and he wanted Remus to have something cheerful the next morning, since they couldn’t be there with him. He filled it with all his best wolf puns and was sure Remus would be _howling_ with laughter.

Now he was trying to figure out how to phrase a polite letter to Lily Evans that she might actually read instead of tear up on sight. It wasn’t easy. He knew she wouldn’t be nearly as appreciative of his _wolfish_ humor as Remus would be.

He’d just managed to get a, “Dearest Evans,” onto the paper when there was a commotion in the parlor.

James leaned back in his chair to try to get a view through the hallway, but he couldn’t see much more than a cloud of dust, and then his mother’s voice—“My goodness, what happened to you!” in a tone she usually reserved for James’s worst Quidditch injuries.

He nearly toppled his chair over as he ran to see what had happened.

Sirius was crouched the middle of his family’s parlor room, covered in soot from a messy floo trip. The dust cloud was settling over a barely closed trunk with clothes still hanging out of it and there were a few possessions (broom included) hastily tied on top. He and his mother helped Sirius stand up, and he saw Sirius’s lip was split and there was a pink mark around his eye that was beginning to swell.

Sirius made eye contact with him and tried to grin, but he had a haunted look James was mildly familiar with. It was the same look Remus got right before a full moon. But he’d only seen it on Sirius a handful of times. Usually around the time term ended or right around Christmas. He always knew it was related to home, and sure the Blacks were blood-purists and arrogant but—

“James! What are you standing around for, go!”

He adjusted his glasses and looked at his mother. “What?”

“I said wake your father and get him down here. Now.”

“Right.”

James roused his father out of bed, and they all gathered in the kitchen, where their two house elves put out all the medicine the family, right next to where Mrs. Potter sat Sirius down on the counter.

“I’m fine,” he protested, but neither Mrs. Potter nor Mr. Potter let him get down.

James sat in a chair and waited while his father quickly healed the obvious wounds on Sirius’s face and the torn skin across his knuckles, then asked him where else he was hurt. It took some convincing, but eventually Sirius opened up his robes, and Mr. Potter healed his cracked ribs, though a small bruise lingered. Sirius was quick to close them back up, and James frowned suspiciously. Sirius was never the shy one of the group. But he didn’t say anything. And when Mr. Potter had finished healing a sprained wrist, a torn shoulder ligament, and a crack in his shin, Sirius asked if he could just get some rest.

Mrs. Potter and the house elves immediately went to get his room ready, while he and James stole up to James’s room with hot chocolate and left overs from that night’s dessert. Sirius knew exactly where James hid his fire whiskey and both added it to their cocoa without comment.

They didn’t talk about Sirius’s injuries, though of course James was dying to ask. He knew he should ask. But he didn’t really know how. James could only ask serious questions if they were passed off as jokes. And even though Sirius was smiling and doing his worst impression of Flitwick during their last detention, he had a feeling Sirius wouldn’t want to joke about what had happened tonight.

Around four in the morning, they started to feel drowsy from the cocoa and the alcohol. But neither moved to go to sleep. Somehow, it felt wrong to James to fall asleep first. Even though Sirius was always welcome as more than a guest in the Potter house, tonight was noticeably different.

If Remus were here, he might’ve said something about James growing up, that James wasn’t sensitive to these things before. But James didn’t think that wasn’t entirely true. He was well aware of situations like this, but he often chose to ignore them. Because ignoring them for himself meant he didn’t have to deal with it. Ignoring them for other people meant that they could forget about it. Yet somehow, tonight felt too serious to ignore. Pun actually not intended. Maybe that was growing up.

“I punched Lucius Malfoy in the face,” Sirius finally said and he set his empty mug on the dressing table.

James had to laugh. “And you let him punch you back? I can’t imagine him dirtying his long flowing hair in a fist fight.”

“Yeah, well, he got his wand out real quick.” Sirius shifted, winced as he tried to sit up straighter against James’s headboard. James frowned. Usually Sirius slouched just because he could.

It was a moment’s pause before Sirius continued with the finer details of his story. “Cissy and Malfoy were over for dinner. If you’d’ve been there, we’d have hexed the lot before the second course. God, they’re disgusting. Malfoy’s one of them now, those Death Eaters. And my parents were oh so curious and interested. I think Bella’s got her Dark Mark or whatever now, too. Malfoy dared to ask me when I would get mine. Could’ve bloody killed him right there. But I didn’t say anything. Really, you’d’ve been so impressed. ‘Cause I know we’re supposed to see Remus this week….” Sirius paused and picked up his cup. Then realized it was empty and set it back down. “Anyway, I held my tongue until we were in the parlor. That’s when someone asked Regulus when he was getting his Dark Mark. He’s barely fifteen! So I said as much. Then Regulus and I got into it, him saying he was old enough to make his own decisions, and I told him he was soft in the head if he believed anything anyone said tonight. And then my mother told me to sit down and be quiet. And then Malfoy said something along the lines of, ‘Are you sure he’s pureblood? Might be something half-breed.’”

“Oh no.”

“What was I supposed to do? I think I shouted back something about how I’d rather be a half-breed than related to my family and punched him in the face.” Sirius flexed his hand, like the memory of the punch still hurt. “He punched me back. Split my lip and my cheek open. You wouldn’t think it to look at him, but he does have a mean right hook. Cissy was screaming. Regulus and my father both had their wands out. Then Malfoy got his. Keeps it in a bloody cane. What a prat!” Sirius laughed, but James thought it sounded rather hollow. “My mother didn’t do anything. She just sat there.” Sirius let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He was quiet for so long, James thought he might’ve been asleep.

“Cissy got Malfoy away and Regulus managed to calm my father down enough to—well, anyway, Malfoy left. And then my mother thought it was appropriate to get up and do something.” He paused, and James could tell what Sirius was doing. Omitting the finer details of a story to spin it the way you wanted to. He’d done it himself to his parents and his teachers often enough.

“I’m not going back,” Sirius finally said, apparently deciding to omit the rest of the story entirely. “I’m never going back to that house as long as—no, I’m never going back. For anything.”

“You really don’t have to. You can stay here. I know my parents won’t care.”

“Your parents care a lot,” Sirius said quietly and closed his eyes again.

It was about sunrise, and the house elves poked their heads in to ask if the young masters wanted breakfast. Even though they’d been calling Sirius “young master” every summer, it still felt different to James. Like some sort of magic had already made his friend a part of this house.

———————

James tried holding back a yawn, but it came through anyway. He barely covered his mouth with his hand and avoided making eye contact with McGonagall’s harsh stare. She called him out anyway.

“Am I boring you, Mr. Potter?”

“No—sorry, just a late night. Keep going, please. I’m immensely interested in the properties of density and thermodynamics as related to transfiguration.”

He heard Sirius snicker behind him and he glanced at Remus on his right, who only frowned. He was sure that as soon as class was dismissed, Remus would plead with them for the hundredth time to stop going out with him on the full moon. He could practically hear Remus whine, “Just because I have to stay out doesn’t mean you have to. You’ll need your rest for class.” As if Remus didn’t need his rest. As if it wasn’t worth it to keep Remus from injuring himself, so that Remus could attend class so shortly after his transformation. And of course Sirius would back James up, and then Remus would stop the argument for at least another two weeks.

Unfortunately, Remus and James weren’t going to have that conversation. Just as McGonagall was setting them onto their practical—turning oil into ice and back—the Head Girl rushed in and whispered something quietly to McGonagall. They both looked pointedly at James, who frowned and tried to focus on his work. He hadn’t done anything (so far this week). What could they possibly want with him?

But Professor McGongall still approached his desk and said to him in a quiet tone, “You’re to go to the Headmaster’s office immediately.”

Sirius got to his feet and James felt Peter on his left, tense and ready for action.

“Sit down, Mr. Black. Just James will be going. Miss Bones will take you.”

“I can find it myself. Been there enough times,” James grinned, but McGonagall did not smile back. Not that she ever did smile back, but James had learned to tell when she was at least amused by him. Today she was not amused.

He felt the eyes of the entire class on him as Amelia Bones took him away. At least it wasn’t Charms he was getting pulled out of. McGonagall wouldn’t let any whispers or gossip spread.

Amelia led him up the stairs to the Headmaster’s office, said, “Pumpkin Caramel,” and took him all the way inside to the front desk.

“Thank you very much, Amelia,” Professor Dumbledore said with a gentle smile. “Now, would you please alert Hagrid that one of the students will be leaving, and ask him to have arrangements made?”

“Yes, of course,” and with a sad glance back at James, disappeared from the office.

He was… leaving? “You can’t expel me,” James said in shock. “I haven’t done anything worth expelling—at least, not this week.”

“Please, James, do sit down.”

“You can’t expel me,” he repeated, his mouth dry. “You can’t.”

“You’re not here to be expelled. But I would be very comforted if you would take a seat.”

Reluctantly, James sat in the chair across from the headmaster’s desk. Dumbledore stood, and came around the desk to stand closer to James. “Lemon square?” he offered, and James shook his head.

Dumbledore set the candy back down and sat in the chair beside James. He folded his hands over his knees and leaned closer. “James, I’m very sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your father has been rushed to St. Mungo’s. It seems that something happened to his heart, and the healers are not sure if he will make it through the night.”

If James’s mouth was dry before, now it felt like parchment. “He’s—what?”

“You’ll be taken to a safe place off of Hogwarts grounds, and Professor McGonagall will apparate you to him.”

“Is my Mum alright?”

“Yes, she’s fine. As fine as can be expected.”

James took his glasses off to rub his eyes. He knew his parents were getting old, but he was still only sixteen. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen until you were—well, he wasn’t sure when it was supposed to happen, but not right now.

“Would you like a cup of tea?”

“No, no thank you.” He wasn’t even sure he could stomach a glass of water, as much as he knew he needed one. He licked his lips, but it didn’t seem to do anything.

“Sir—I was, er, wondering,” and Dumbledore looked ready to give him the moon if he asked for it, “has anyone told Sirius?”

“No. If you would like to inform your friends before you go, of course you can.”

“Sirius should come with me. He’s—he’s basically family.”

“Are you sure?” Dumbledore seemed rather doubtful, and James didn’t exactly blame him. Sirius and James together were a notorious pair, and tended to cause more trouble than good.

“Mum will want him there,” James said firmly. He was at least sure of that.

Dumbledore nodded. “Then I will let Hagrid and Professor McGonagall know of the slight change in plans. You may stay here if you wish, or see Madam Pomfrey, or return to your dormitory. I would not advise you to return to class,” he said with a small smile.

“Not really advice someone like me needs, is it?” James answered with a small smile of his own. When he got to his feet, his legs felt like jelly, and it seemed like there was someone else making them move as he left the Headmaster’s office.

Classes were just getting out. He should go up to his room and pack a few things. But he needed to find Sirius first.

James walked down to the Great Hall and stopped in the doorway. Someone bumped right into him.

“Watch where you’re going, Potter,” Snape’s voice hissed right next to him, and James could tell he was ready for a fight. He didn’t even have to look to know Snape had already reached for his wand.

But James only nodded the barest hint of an apology and scanned the crowded hall for his friends.

He didn’t have to look far. Sirius was practically running towards him, Remus and Peter not far behind.

“Hey, Snivelly, why don’t you watch where you’re going? James was the one already standing there. Clear off. Don’t you have a bug to dismember somewhere?”

Both Sirius and Snape now had their wands out, but Remus and Peter were looking at James like there was something on his face. He wiped his cheek with the sleeve of his robe. He wasn’t crying, but he quickly stepped out of the Great Hall before he could start.

He heard a hex shouted, but he didn’t know if Sirius or Snape started it. He was surprised to find he didn’t really care. He ducked into a small chamber adjacent to the Great Hall and closed the door behind him. He sank against the wall in the completely dark and windowless room and a moment later, the door opened. He looked up at Remus and Peter standing over him.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked. James thought it was a rather stupid question. But then again, Peter was always full of stupid questions.

Remus sat down next to him without a word. Remus would never ask, never pry, because Remus was the only one in the group who seemed to have a concept of privacy. Even James wasn’t used to how secretive Remus could be.

“Where’s Sirius?” James mumbled.

“I think he’s puking up cockroaches,” Peter said, and sat on the other side of James.

James cringed. He’d been on the end of that spell two weeks ago. Not fun. At least it only lasted about five minutes. Unless Snape had figured out a way to extend the jinx’s effects.

“Do you want to wait for him?” Remus asked quietly.

James shook his head and stood up. “Let’s ditch Potions today.”

“And do what?” Peter asked eagerly.

“Whatever we want,” he shrugged, and started walking towards the dormitory.

“We have the essays on practical uses for Felix Felicis due today,” Remus said. “You still need to write your conclusion.”

James hesitated, not quite sure how to tell them what had happened. And anyway, he didn’t want to tell them without Sirius there. “Sirius and I aren’t going to class,” he finally said, and started walking upstairs.

“Are you in trouble? Both of you?” Peter asked, skipping the trick thirteenth stair and staying close on James’s heels. “But McGonagall said Padfoot wasn’t going to the Headmaster’s office and it was just you—“

“Yes, thank you, Peter. We were all there.” James sighed, and stopped at the portrait of the Fat Lady. He said the password, and she swung the door open for the three of them. 

When they were back in their room, Peter asked, “What about Quidditch practice tonight?”

“Not going,” he said, and dug through his notes for the Potions essay.

“Let me do that,” Remus said and reached for the essay.

“I got it,” James snapped back and sat down on his bed. He let out a sigh and swore under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—“

There was a knock on the door. “James,” Amelia Bones’s voice called. “Are you ready?”

James swore again and threw the parchment and quill onto the floor. “No. No I’m not bloody ready! Dammit—“

Remus picked up the parchment and quill while Peter stared in shock.

“I’ll be in the common room when you are,” Amelia finally said, and they heard her footsteps trailing down the stairs.

James looked first at Peter, who’s eyes were as big as saucers. He didn’t blame him. James rarely lost his temper over anything other than Quidditch. He looked to Remus, who was avoiding eye contact now, and steadily finishing the essay.

The heavy silence remained until Sirius burst into the room. “Way to leave me out to dry, Prongs,” he said without hardly a glance at them and began digging through his trunk. “Been puking cockroaches in the Great Hall for a good fifteen minutes while all the Slytherins sat and laughed. And literally no one was there to back me up. Thanks for that.” He pulled out his secret stash of fire whiskey and took a long gulp. “Ugh. Tastes better than cockroaches, anyway.”

He finally actually looked at the group and frowned. “What’s going on?”

“James yelled at Remus,” Peter said, in an unusual turn of tattling on James.

“He didn’t yell at me,” Remus said quietly. “We just had a small argument.”

“Over what?” Sirius frowned.

“Over who was finishing his Potions essay. Here, it’s done.” And Remus handed the parchment to James.

“You made Moony finish your Potions essay? Is that why you all vanished? Come on, Prongs, even you know better than—“

“My dad’s dying,” James interrupted. The stunned silence was no surprise. He hadn’t meant to tell them so suddenly, but it was playing out all too fast too fast and out of his control.

Remus moved to sit down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

“No it won’t. He’s dying,” James said bitterly. “There’s no ‘okay.’”

Sirius took another sip of the fire whiskey and handed it to James. James took the bottle, but didn’t drink. He looked up at Sirius and said, “Dumbledore’s made arrangements for us to go visit him at St. Mungo’s today.”

“Oh. That’s what Amelia meant. Alright.” He squeezed James’s shoulder comfortingly. “I’ll pack for us.”

James stared at Sirius, completely bewildered, as Sirius rummaged through his trunk and began tucking clothes into his shoulder bag.

“Just like that? You’re completely fine and practical, just like that?” He tried not to sound bitter, but he couldn’t help the edge at the end of his questions. How was that fair, for Sirius to be the rational one right now?

But Sirius swallowed hard before winking at James. “Don’t worry about it, mate. You grieve now, I’ll grieve later. When you’re done.”

James wasn’t sure he entirely understood those words. But Remus said quietly, “We’re here for you,” and James resolved to at least try with every fiber of his being to be for his mother what his friends had so graciously decided to be for him.

————————

Christmas was hard that year. Which was unfortunate, because James had been looking forward to his first Christmas with Sirius as officially a part of their family. Instead, it was a very quiet affair, with a small dinner and an exchanging of gifts between the three of them.

James caught his mother crying at the bottom of the stairs that morning, like she hadn’t quite made it all the way to the kitchen. He respectfully waited at the top until she’d collected herself, and then went downstairs as if he hadn’t seen a thing. That night, he cried too, and was embarrassed to think Sirius might’ve heard him in the next room.

He was dreading the approach of his seventeenth birthday. Just after New Years, as he and Sirius were packing back up for Hogwarts, Sirius said quietly, “She’s only hanging on for you.”

“I know,” James said quietly. “We’re all she has left, you know.”

“But when you turn seventeen—“

“I’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“James, I don’t think she’s going to make it much longer.”

James tried to laugh. “And remind me what you got on your Divination OWLs?”

But when the three of them said goodbye at the train platform, hugs were extra long, and all of them had tears to shed.

And, as Sirius predicted, James’s mother passed about three weeks after his seventeenth birthday.

James sat in the courtyard of the school, Transfiguration homework in his lap. At least Transfiguration was easy, mind-numbing. Something he could do without focusing. Remus was with him, finishing off a Charms essay. Sirius and Peter had gone off, anxious to make trouble. James didn’t blame Sirius. They were both hurting, and needed different things. Sirius wanted to be noticed, to prove he still existed, and James just wanted to quietly disappear. As for Peter and Remus—Peter preferred noise and Remus preferred quiet. They paired off easily enough.

Remus snapped his book shut. “I’m done.” He glanced over James’s shoulder. “You misspelled chronocryptic. It’s not a ‘q-u-e’ on the end.”

James quickly fixed the spelling error and set the homework aside. “I’m mad at her.”

Remus glanced across the courtyard to the redheaded young woman sitting alone, nose buried in a purple hardback. “At Lily?”

James followed Remus’s gaze. He hadn’t even known she was out here too. “No. I mean, at my mom. I guess a bit at my dad too.”

“Oh. I think that’s normal.”

“It’s not fair.” He picked at the grass in the courtyard, tearing up blades then tearing the blades into tinier pieces. “If he hadn’t gone, maybe she would’ve stayed. And, anyway, she should’ve stayed longer.”

“It wasn’t much of a choice.”

“But it felt like it. You didn’t see her. It was like she was ready to give up. And she was just waiting. Why couldn’t she wait longer? At least until I graduated.”

“If she’d waited that long, you’d be saying ‘until I got married,’ and if she’d waited that long, you’d be saying, ‘until I had my first kid,’ and then you’d be saying, ‘until I had my second.’ There isn’t really a right answer other than she gave you as much as she had to give.”

James was still looking in Lily’s direction, and if he weren’t already so deeply sad, he might’ve laughed. “At the rate I’m going, I won’t be getting married any time soon.”

“Are you still into in her?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, why?”

“You haven’t asked her out all year. You’ve barely spoken to her outside of class.”

James shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of other stuff to think about.” He grabbed another handful of grass. “Hey, Remus, after we graduate, we should all move in together. All four of us. We can all live at my house. There’s plenty of space.”

Remus shook his head. “Thanks, but I want to get my own place.”

“Oh.”

“I mean—it’s just that, I need my own space for—y’know.”

“But we’ve got lots of land. It could be like we do now.”

“At Hogwarts is one thing, but out there…. Too much could go wrong. Even here too much could go wrong. I wouldn’t want to risk it.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” James gathered up their homework. “Sirius and I are thinking about being Aurors. You should do it with us.”

“No thanks.”

“Come on. We can fight all those gross Dark Wizards.”

“I’d rather not have a Ministry job.”

“Oh.” James frowned. “Well, even still, if you could do it outside the Ministry, you’d help us, right?”

“Of course.”

“Maybe the four of us can do that. Start a little band and wipe out all the Death Eaters.”

Remus grinned. “But only if I can be McCartney, and you can be Lennon.”

“What?”

“Er—never mind. Muggle thing.”

———————

James carefully tucked his broom in the compartment above his seat, then sat down next to Peter. Remus was tossing Every Flavor Beans into Sirius’s open mouth between snores. Peter was grabbing a handful both for himself and to join in. James reached over for one, but caught sight of bright red hair in the hallway. He excused himself and went to help her with her trunk.

“Hey, I got it.” He picked up one end for her.

“It’s fine,” she said, and tried to pull it away from him.

“I bench press quaffles,” he grinned and winked, “This is nothing.”

She gave him a blank stare.

“It—It’s a joke. Because… quaffles are hollow….”

She still didn’t crack a smile, but did let him help her with the trunk.

They took it towards the back of the train and James attempted light conversation, “So I haven’t seen you much this year.”

“Been busy. NEWTs and all.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s uh, been tough,” he lied. He wasn’t sure when school was supposed to become difficult, but he hadn’t hit that point yet.

“I’m sure you’ve had a real hard time of it,” she snorted. “Quidditch captain and everything. Can’t imagine where you fit in time for school. Or do you just make Lupin do it all?”

“Well—It’s been a rough year,” he shrugged. “Remus has been really helpful. And the teachers are understanding.”

“I heard McGonagall excused you from the midterm. I know Quidditch is important, but honestly, I find it a little ridiculous.”

James’s brow furrowed. “She didn’t excuse me because of the Quidditch match. And I did the practical, it was just the essay she let me out of. I mean, I’m lucky I was able to play the game that weekend at all, but that wasn’t about school. She excused me because my mom died.”

James didn’t even know Lily had a remorseful face. She was always so furious with him.

“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright,” he shrugged. “I didn’t really talk about it to anyone. I mean, just my friends. I mean—you’re my friend, at least, I count you as a friend, but uh—“ He was spared from further awkward conversation when Lily opened a door to an empty compartment.

“In here is fine.”

James took the whole trunk from her and stashed it under one of the seats. “You’re not sitting with anyone?” he frowned.

She shook her head. “It’s alright. Really.”

“Oh. Okay, then. You’re welcome to sit with us if you change your mind.” She didn’t look like she would. “Well, I’ll see you around,” he said with an awkward smile and stepped out of the compartment.

“W-wait, James.”

He paused in the corridor.

“I’m not coming back next year. So this is goodbye.” She stuck her hand out, and he stared at it curiously, not quite sure what she wanted him to do with it.

“You’re—what?”

“I’m saying goodbye.”

“But I mean, why? You’re the most talented witch in our year. You’re smart, you’re confident, you’re gifted and determined—why on earth aren’t you coming back? Is everything alright at home?”

Lily let her hand drop and frowned. “Everything’s fine at home.”

“Is this about the You-Know-Who business? Lily, you can’t let the Death Eaters intimidate you. That’s as good as letting them win.”

“Easy for the pureblood to say,” she snorted. “And anyway, it’s not about that,” she hastily added.

“It’s Severus, isn’t it?”

“It’s not.”

“Merlin’s beard, Evans, if you’ve been lonely all year, why don’t you just say something? To any of us? Even Amelia—“

“I’m not lonely,” she snapped.

“Of course you are. You and Snape haven’t spoken all year. And you won’t talk to half the kids in our year because they like me. And half the students won’t talk to you because you’re Muggleborn—I’m sorry I didn’t even notice until now.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. You’re making assumptions,” she said tersely.

“I’m making assumptions, but you’re sitting in a compartment by yourself. Don’t be like that. Come sit with us,” and he jerked his head towards his own compartment with his friends.

“Right. Sitting between Thing 1 and Thing 2 sounds like a grand old time.”

“Don’t talk about Remus that way.”

“I meant you and—“ but she stopped when she saw his wide grin, and after a moment, smiled back. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”

“Alright. If you’re leaving and you won’t sit with us, then I’ll just have to sit with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got one train ride to convince you to stay. Can I sit with you?”

Lily hesitated, then finally stepped aside and let him into her compartment.

———————

He and Lily wrote letters all summer. About mundane things, really. The weather, their summer assignments. Once he told her he’d heard about a Muggle attack in her area and she told him she was fine. He invited her to the Quidditch World Cup, and after a couple attempts managed to convince her she could still have fun with him, Sirius, Peter, and Remus, and assured her that he and Remus would keep everyone on their best behavior.

Sirius wasn’t too happy about Lily joining them, nor was he very happy that she’d be staying at the house the night before they left.

“I’ll ask Remus to stay the night if it’ll make you feel less left out.”

“It’s not that. It’s the principle of it. For six years we’ve kept girls out of our group. Why do you have to ruin it now?”

“Because I’ve liked her for six years and this is the closest we’ve ever gotten to being friends. Don’t ruin this for me, Padfoot.”

Remus and Peter were also invited to stay the night, both to keep Sirius from feeling like a third wheel and to help James reign Sirius in.

Surprisingly, dinner that evening was actually a really enjoyable and pleasant affair. There were no fights, and even snide remarks were mostly said in good humor. It was later that night that everything went awry.

They showed up in the middle of the night sometime after midnight, wearing masks and hoods. They apparated directly into the house and James barely got a grip on his wand before being dragged out onto the grass outside.

He wasn’t wearing his glasses, and it was dark, so he held back on the hexes, at least until he could get his bearings. Sirius’s hand closed over his wrist. He caught a flicker of Lily’s hair on his left. Where were Remus and Peter? he thought desperately.

One of the blurry figures spoke. “The Dark Lord has deemed you worthy to serve him. Will you accept his calling?”

He heard Sirius and Remus both laugh. So Remus was behind him, and apparently okay.

“This is an invitation?” Sirius snorted.

“And here I was expecting a gilded letter,” Remus chuckled. “Well, gosh, Padfoot. I’m just so flattered, I don’t know what to say.”

“I can think of a few choice words, but dearest Moony, there’s a lady present.”

“I think this lady can handle it,” Lily said sharply and James saw her move—maybe stand up? He stood too when he felt Sirius pull on his wrist.

“Well, gents,” James said in the most confident voice he could muster, “you heard the lady. Now about we escort these floppy-wanded boggarts off of our property?”

“The Dark Lord will not be pleased. He will make you regret your decision,” one of the masked men hissed.

“The Dark Lord can suck my—“ But Sirius swear was drowned out by Lily throwing the first curse.

Everything after that was a blur of lights and color. James did his best to aim hexes at the lights reflecting off the masks, but he wasn’t quite sure if any of them hit their mark. He took a stinging jinx in his left shoulder, and at one point Sirius shoved him into the ground underneath what he was pretty sure was a cruciatus curse.

When all the curses died down, and there were several cracks in succession, they regrouped on James’s front porch. Remus was the first one with enough wits to say, “Lumos,” though it was breathless and weary.

“Where’s Peter?” James asked, looking around.

“Right here,” came a squeak from the behind him. He turned and squinted, but it wasn’t any easier to see in the light as it had been in the dark.

“You’re bleeding,” Lily said suddenly.

James looked down and saw red soaking his white night shirt. “Oh.” So that was why that hurt. And there was still a tingling in his shoulder and he wasn’t positive what was wrong, but he had no feeling in his right hip.

“Here,” Sirius said, and said a quick spell and ran his wand over James chest. The wound sealed and the blood slowly seeped back into his skin. “Looks like Snivelly’s handiwork.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asked, and James looked at Lily, but her expression was nothing but a shapeless pale glow framed with red hair.

“Well it sure isn’t Malfoy’s.”

“Is everyone else alright?” Lily asked, apparently eager to change the course of the conversation.

“Depends on your definition,” Sirius groaned. And there was a thud, which James assumed meant Sirius had flopped down onto the porch.

“Peter, you’re awfully quiet. Are you hurt?” Remus asked.

“I’m fine,” Peter said quietly.

“Better be,” Sirius snapped. “Practically crawled under me. I took a cruciatas curse for you.”

“Sirius—“ Remus started, voice full of worry, but Sirius cut him off.

“I’m fine. It’s not the first time,” he mumbled. “Let’s just get back to bed.” He heard Sirius get up and walk back inside.

“Lily, are you okay?” James asked, again, trying to look at her, but not really sure if he was facing the right direction.

“I’m alright,” she said, and at least her voice came from the right direction. “Could use a cup of tea. Or something stronger.”

James laughed and tried to stand up, but his numb hip failed to support him and he fell to one knee. Instantly Remus was on his left and Lily on his right.

“This is embarrassing,” he mumbled as his friends helped him inside. “Practically blind and can’t even stand. What are we going to do when I’m eighty?”

“We’ll help you then too,” Remus laughed.

“Let me see,” Lily said as she and Remus sat him down on the couch.

“If it’s all the same, I think Sirius is the best at healing spells,” James said with a crooked grin.

Lily snorted. “You’re joking.”

“He’s very used to patching us all up,” Remus said quietly. “I’ll grab him. He’s probably sulking.”

Lily sat down next to James and turned her wand over in her hand. She was quiet for a while before finally saying, “I used to think you were all just practical jokers who didn’t care about anyone but yourselves. But you guys have been through a lot, haven’t you?”

James laughed. “Well, you weren’t wrong. A lot has happened recently, though,” he shrugged. “Things change.”

“Sirius lives here now?”

“Has since last year. Sort of did before that, but it wasn’t really official, it was more like constantly sneaking out to spend weeks here.”

“His whole family’s like his brother, aren’t they?”

“The way Sirius tells it, his brother is the closest thing his family has to a decent person.”

“And Remus… is he really….”

“Really what?” James raised an eyebrow.

“Severus always said that—that Remus was a—“ she paused and whispered the word, “werewolf,” then continued in a normal voice. “I didn’t believe him. I thought he was being ridiculous, but—“

James laughed. “But Sirius’s wolf jokes got you thinking again?”

“Well—that and the way he’s so secretive about his scars. You know, when we were first years, I used to think you and Sirius were bullying him. I couldn’t figure out why he stayed with you guys.”

“Ouch. That’s kind of hurtful.”

“But am I right? Is he really—”

“Yes,” Remus answered from the doorway. His voice was shaky and James wished he could get up and go to him. But he assumed the tall dark blur next to him was Sirius, and James was glad someone was standing with Remus for this moment. It wasn’t going to be easy on anyone in the room.

“Is that a problem?” Sirius asked, voice sharp, like he was ready to fight her as harshly as he had fought the Death Eaters.

“Of course not,” Lily said. “I think it’s incredible that you’ve been managing that and school on top of it.”

“I have good friends,” Remus said simply, and sat down on the couch opposite James, next to a lump James thought might be Peter.

Lily scooted aside so Sirius could look over James’s leg.

“You’re all incredible,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it until now.”

“Honestly, it’s a recent development,” Sirius snorted. “At least in Prongs’s case. And we’re still working on Wormy.”

“If I wasn’t so worried about your wand slipping, I might hex you for that,” James teased.

“Good thinking. Because if my hand moves a few inches too far, you won’t be having any children.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” The words were barely out of James’s mouth when there was a sharp pain in his hip, and his knee jerked up, catching Sirius right in the nose.

“Well at least you have feeling back,” Sirius said, but it was mumbled. James could only assume it was because his hand was over his face.

“Sorry, Padfoot,” James laughed. “Are you bleeding? Here, let me—“

“No way. I’m not letting you near me without your glasses on. Moony, help a guy out.” And James saw the lighter shape move from the couch next to Sirius.

Lily suddenly burst into laughter. “Oh my—Remus—you let them—your nickname is Moony because—because—oh my god—I take back everything. You guys aren’t incredible at all. You’re a bunch of dorks.”

“Finally, she understands you, Prongs,” Sirius laughed.

“Do I want to know where the name Prongs comes from?” she laughed.

“I promise it’s not a dick joke,” James chuckled.

“Though we’d be lying if we said it had never been used that way,” Remus said with a small laugh, and Lily laughed even harder.

——————————————

A few weeks later, their Hogwarts letters came.

“Our last year,” Sirius sighed and opened his. “Ugh, NEWTs,” he groaned. “At least I’ll never have to take a bloody exam again after this.”

James was surprised to find his envelope thicker than usual, and discovered there was an additional letter enclosed in the parchment.

“Merlin’s balls,” he choked out. “Padfoot—I’m Head Boy.”

“You’re what?” Sirius snatched the letter out of James’s hand. “No way. I think they sent you Moony’s letter by mistake.” But when he looked it over, it was very clearly addressed to James. “Holy hobgoblins. Was Dumbledore seriously impressed by our little stand against the Death Eaters? You didn’t do hippogriff shit that night.”

“I cast a hex or two. Whether they hit their mark or not, I can’t really say.” James took the letter back and read it more carefully. “He said, ‘You’ve shown exceptional growth in your last year at school, demonstrate leadership skills on the Quidditch pitch and off, and receive top marks in all your classes.’ Yeah, but I also get into detention every two weeks.”

“You had maybe three detentions last year. And all of them were fights with Slytherins.”

“Did I really?” James folded the letter back up, trying to recall his detentions last year. He supposed it had been a stressful year, and he hadn’t much time or motivation for their usual shenanigans. Then a smile crept over his face. “The best part of all this? I bet Lily’s Head Girl.”

—————————————

Lily was Head Girl. James had never seen her look so offended in all their six years together as she did when he stepped into the carriage with the prefects.

“You? You’re this year’s Head Boy?”

James could only grin, and Remus quickly said, “If you keep pointing it out like that, it will just go to his head.”

He ruffled his hair and said, “I’ve shown exceptional growth and leadership skills. What more do you want in a Head Boy?”

Lily rolled her eyes, but James was sure he caught a touch of a smile on the corner of her mouth. She’d never laughed at his arrogant jokes before. But, then again, before they didn’t seem too much like jokes. He really had been an arrogant prat. And now… Well, humility was a lesson he was going to have to learn for the rest of his life, but recent tragedy had given him a good start. He sat down and let Lily address the new prefects to their duties, and she even gave him a careful outline of his own duties as Head Boy. Just a year ago, he wasn’t sure he would’ve sat down and listened. He wasn’t sure Lily would have given him the chance.

They stepped off the train that evening, and made sure all the first years were properly guided to Hagrid and none of the other students lingered on the platform. As such, they were the last two to take the horseless carriages into Hogwarts. Though, James noted, they weren’t horseless anymore.

“Hey, Lily,” he said as he helped her climb in.

“Hm?”

“Would you—“ He paused, cleared his throat, and tried again, “Would you consider going out with me?”

“I’d consider it,” she said, lips pressed together tightly. He couldn’t tell if she was mad or trying not to smile.

“How long would you need to consider it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask my parents first.”

“Merlin’s beard, Lily, I’m asking you on a date, not for you to marry me.”

She burst into laughter, and James cracked a relieved grin. Thank goodness she was only teasing.

“Sure. One date. That’s all I can promise you.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first attempt at any serious Jily (or, more accurately, 'Lames') and also my first time writing the young marauders. I think it was a nice blend of serious and humorous, but I guess you guys can be the judge of that.


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